English: A Whatchamacallit candy bar, broken in half. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By Eric Ralph

As I was scanning the candy display for a snack, my eyes lit upon something I hadn’t seen in a while: Whatchamacallit. It’s the perfect candy: Sweet, salty, crunchy, chewy, and chocolatey. What more could you possibly want? Bacon, you say? Fine, cook up some up and wrap a Whatchamacallit with it, except you wouldn’t want to do that because then the universe would end as complete perfection has no place in an imperfect universe.

I know Whatchamacallit is not the most popular candy bar, which I can only ascribe to a need to keep people motivated, thus requiring that they not know the joy of a Whatchamacallit. If everyone ate them, the economy would collapse since people would no longer need promotions, raises, or vacations to Jamaica in order to feel complete.

I might be exaggerating ever-so-slightly.