By Eric Ralph

Everyone has songs on their phone or iPod that they will deny any knowledge of if discovered. We will blame our spouse, our kids, our dogs before we admit we actually listen to that song. Here are the (unscientific) top five songs we all listen to secretly when no one is around to hear. Note that inclusion on the list does not mean I personally listen to them (of course not).

Number Five: Barry Manilow, Mandy Just try not to sing along. This version has Spanish subtitles so you can work on your bilingual Manilow schlock.

Number Four: ABBA, Dancing Queen You can really tell in this video that they must have worked on the choreography for a least five, maybe ten minutes before filming. That’s still twice as long as they worked on the lighting.

Number Three: Paula Abdul, Straight Up Back before she became America’s favorite, confused, addled judge on American Idol and way before Nicky Minaj (I’m not sure if that’s how you spell it but I do not care) replaced her and affected ridiculous accents, Paula was Forever Our Girl (and Arsenio Hall‘s too). Was it the smile? The tap dancing? The animated dog? Who knows? But still we listen and remember.

Number Two: Vanilla Ice, Ice, Ice Baby I almost didn’t include this one, since it is so obvious. I don’t remember this one as fondly as some others. In retrospect it represents the worst of all music. Brash, arrogant lyrics from a talentless clown using a great beat stolen from a much better song. Not to mention the hair. The song’s only saving grace: It mentions bacon.

Number One: Any of Milli Vanilli‘s hits. Scandal and all, you know you still listen to “Baby, Don’t Forget My Number,” “Girl You Know It’s True,” and “Blame it on the Rain.” To represent all of Milli Vanilli on the list, here is “Girl I’m Gonna Miss You.” Because in our hearts, we still miss those lip-syncing frauds.