It’s 2013. Part of me can’t believe that even though it’s been 2013 for seven months or so. My disbelief stems from these facts being facts and not the fantastical insane ramblings of a time-traveling Irishman named Steve.

1) Quantum Leap ended twenty years ago. Remember how the future looked when Al had to look for the guy that escaped the waiting room? Remember Al’s cool chrome-like clothing? According to the show, that was in 1998. The future of Quantum Leap is already fifteen years past. Ugh. I need to get my bearings. Watch Loser (also twenty years old) like it was new and I’ll be with you in a few minutes.

2) “Pour Some Sugar on Me” is twenty-five years old. I know, it seems like it was played enough that summer to age you twenty-five years, but I’m talking actual time here.

3) Return of the Jedi is thirty years old. It’s the last one! How can it be thirty years old? That would mean Harrison Ford is an old man. Uh, oh. I see.

English: Harrison Ford at the Cannes film festival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4) Freckle Juice by Judy Blume is thirty-five years old. I read it as a kid. I want my kids to read it, and they are probably thinking, ‘Why should I read this old book? Look at all the books published this century.’

Freckle Juice (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

5) Enter the Dragon is forty years old. This one stings. I still love this movie. Sure, it’s clearly from the ’70s. But it has Bruce Lee in it. Bruce Lee! Do you even know who that is? Do you? The only good part of his dying so young is we don’t have to see him as an old, fat guy like Elvis. You don’t know Elvis either? You’ve gotten me riled now. I need to go eat a Fiber One bar and get to sleep.

Cover of Enter the Dragon